his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
