Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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