So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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