They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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