K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
