my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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