Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
