jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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