dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
