It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
