You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
