Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
