you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
