Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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