Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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