i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
