I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
