it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
