I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
