The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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