Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
