All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You took a bar mat shot.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
