yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
