It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
