his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
