Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i need some magic done to my vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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