man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
