I accidentally had phone sex last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
