Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
