We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
