I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
