I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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