I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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