dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
