I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
