her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
