U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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