one might say we're banned from that church
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
