So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize