if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Houston, we have a squirter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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