I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
