I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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