He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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