do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
