Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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