I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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