so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
