Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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