The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
