glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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