There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
