Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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