Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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