I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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