So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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