i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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