I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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