Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Houston, we have a blender
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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