Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
