ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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