Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
