Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
