I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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