never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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