sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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