he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
