I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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