After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
