I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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