You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
