So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize