Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
