I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
