Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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