Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
